| home | Lyin'
Lyin' Through Their Teeth
"I never did nothin' wrong." "Honest." Here's a short summary of the honorable members of Congress as they tried to lie their way out of their crimes and misdemeanors.
The Honorable Tom DeLay: "What we are fighting is so much larger than a single court case or a single district attorney in Travis County," Delay said, in a letter sent to constituents. "We are witnessing the criminalization of conservative politics." Stay tuned.
The Honorable Randy (Duke) Cunningham: "I've been totally above board," he told one of his House colleagues about his real estate transactions. Cunningham resigned after pleading guilty to fraud, conspiracy to commit bribery and tax evasion.
The Honorable Dan Rostenkowski: "I did not commit any crimes. My consciences is clear and my 42-year record as an elected official is one I am proud to once again run on." Fifteen months in the federal pen.
The Honorable Nick Mavroules: "I've been in public office for 30 years and I can say I have never taken a bribe, requested one, extorted or been involved in racketeering." Fifteen months in a minimum security prison.
The Honorable Jim Bates: "I think I made a mistake. I didn't really know what sexual harassment was." Bates further contended he was the target of a "Republican Party-orchestrated smear campaign." Sent letter of Reproval by House Ethics Committee to stop harassing women employees.
The Honorable Charles Robb: "I wouldn't know cocaine if I saw it." Right.
The Honorable Allen Howe: I was a "victim of a setup or trap by vindictive and politically motivated people who wanted to sabotage my re-election or ruin me personally." Found guilty of soliciting sex from undercover policewomen.
The Honorable Wes Cooley: "I don't admit I made a false statement . . . A lot of people get convicted who don't do anything wrong." Found guilty, 100 hours community service and $7,100 fine. [Cooley is also chairman of the Lying Caucus]
The Honorable Richard Tonry: "These charges were nothing more than an attempt to smear me. If they can't unseat me, they are going to try to smear me so I can't be re-elected." Sentenced to one year in federal penitentiary, and $10,000 fine.
The Honorable Martin Hoke: "Not only do I not remember" [pinching the secretary and calling her a 'sexy little thing'], "but it did not happen. It is untrue." He says, she says.
The Honorable Frederick Richmond: "I don't feel one ounce of embarrassment. I'm not ashamed of anything I've done. I've done nothing wrong." Sentenced to one year and a day; $20,000 fine.
The Honorable John Young: Being accused of linking his secretary's salary to sex: "I'd deny it if it were true, but the fact is, I didn't." Ethics Committee required a letter of apology.
The Honorable Robert Torricelli: "I am a human being. And while I have not done the things that I have been accused of doing, I most certainly made mistakes. When did we become such an unforgiving people?" Bailed out of campaign 5 weeks before election day.
The Honorable Brock Adams: The charges of sexual harassment and molestation are "politically inspired" and "created out of whole cloth by people who hated me." Dropped out of race after 8 other women independently made similar charges.
The Honorable Bob Packwood: "On the women . . . I am accused of kissing women, on occasion perhaps overeagerly kissing women, and that is the charge. Not drugging. Not robbing. Kissing." The Senate Ethics Committee recommended expulsion; Packwood opted to resign.
The Honorable Mario Biaggi: "I haven't fallen. I've been smitten, but I haven't fallen. I don't believe in my heart I've done anything wrong." Sentenced to 2-1/2 years and $500,000 fine.
The Honorable Walter Tucker, III: "How dare they say I betrayed my trust of the people," he said. Sentenced to 27 months.
The Honorable Mary Rose Oakar: "There's no substance to these false charges. This is selective prosecution, in my judgment. They, of course, wanted me to plea bargain and admit to things I didn't do. I can't do that." She could have received one year in prison and up to $500,000 fine, but she plea bargained, got two years probation and $32,000 in fines.
The Honorable Charles H. Wilson (California): "A majority of my colleagues in the House of Representatives chose to ignore the facts of my case," he said. Censured by the House, 308-97.
Also check out, Best Excuses
And while you're at it, check out the BadBoys Quote Board
and check What Wives are Saying.